Submitted by Annie, Seattle  WA

My child seems social enough. He's very friendly and will freely play with other children. However, the play never seems to evolve into a friendship. Is this normal? At what age do true friendships begin to form?

Answered by Jacque Grillo , Director, Lone Mountain Children's Center

Here's  the kind of situation I observe at my preschool almost daily: two boys are happily playing with trucks together, each child rambling on in his own fantasy-based monologue rather than engaging in much of a coherent verbal exchange.  One of the boys suddenly decides to leave the trucks and head to the play dough table. Will the other follow along or stick with the trucks? What is ultimately required to sustain the connection is for the second boy to be more interested in the social opportunity, which has now transitioned to the play dough table, than to continue to play with the trucks. It's easy to see how many opportunities and challenges are presented in these kinds of situations. Who will lead? Who will follow? Can the two share the decision-making role or will one child dominate?  It's easy to see how self identities are subtly but surely formed through these highly complex interactions. Typically by three and half or four, most children have at least begun or even mastered the one-on-one play situation. If a child has had sufficient opportunity to practice his social skills, he has usually formed at least one reliable friend by this age.