Submitted by Meg, Columbus  OH

My daughter has one "best friend" that she plays with almost exclusively. Should I encourage this special friendship or encourage her to make other friends?

Answered by Jacque Grillo , Director, Lone Mountain Children's Center

Friendships at this age can sometimes be very intense.  I often describe these more intense relationships as not unlike a courtship and marriage, although usually occurring in highly speeded-up time.  Initially the two are enamored of one another, and sometimes these friendships can become very exclusive.  The children may even develop their own language and private games and play situations.  As an outsider it's easy to see just how much they  enjoy each other and beam when together.  Ah, if only the honeymoon could last forever!

Inevitably, although sometimes not for many months, conflicts emerge and arguments and disagreements become more frequent.  The two now clearly find themselves in a rut.  Those things they once did exclusively together that were so satisfying and fun are now kind of boring and overly ritualized.  Unfortunately both children tend not to arrive at the same point of frustration simultaneously.  So one ventures out looking for new social possibilities, leaving the other to feel rejected and abandoned.  It is very important for parents to see these processes as normal and to be expected, and to try and be sensitive and empathetic to all involved.  It would be a mistake to make either child feel bad about what has occurred, or to force them to be together in the name of "being nice."  Preschool friendships are usually very transitory.  All the stages of childhood social development require multiple opportunities for experimentation and change.