Submitted by Marisa, Minneapolis  MN

How can I help my child become self sufficient?

Answered by Jacque Grillo , Director, Lone Mountain Children's Center

Without sacrificing any degree of safety, make it a goal this summer to gradually shift more of your child's day to her own control and direction. This can be especially challenging for children who've been raised to expect that the adults in their life will reliably plan and organize their every waking hour. They have come to expect that their time will be directed by a parent, teacher or caregiver. The opportunities for inspiration, creativity and self-motivation are greatly reduced in such arrangements. Instead children become overly adult-dependent and seldom experience times with nothing to do, nowhere to be, and all the challenges that come with such critical existential confrontations.

So this summer begin to gradually wean your child from expecting you to be his day planner, chauffeur and event organizer. Set aside times when nothing is planned, and he has to fend for himself. Be steadfast and don't be dissuaded by the almost certain whining and complaining that is to be expected when his addiction to your micromanaging his life has been confronted. There's no doubt that he (and you) will immeasurably benefit from learning to make independent decisions about what to do and how to direct his own time and activity. Among other things, she'll begin to learn that her life is her own, and that all the choices she makes have consequence.  She'll begin to learn that she is ultimately responsible for her own happiness and satisfaction. And what a precious gift it is you will have offered.