Hah. It's really quite preposterous for me to offer up a tips list on this subject. A tendency to fly off the handle is one of my most disagreeable and persistent traits, and something I battle with -- largely unsuccessfully -- every day. For me, anger is the most tempting of the seven deadly sins. At best, you could describe me as "edgy."
This list shows the strategies I try to use to keep myself patient and mild-mannered, but I certainly can't claim that they've been wholly successful. I still lose my temper far too often; however, I do think I'm doing a better job than I would be if I weren't following these tips:
1. Pay attention to my body. Being too cold, too hot, and especially being too hungry, makes me far more irritable.
2. Don't drink. I basically gave up drinking because alcohol makes me so belligerent.
3. Acknowledge the reality of other people's feelings (usually this arises with my husband or daughters). Instead of snapping back answers like "I don't want to hear a lot of whining" or "It's not that big a deal," I try to show that I understand what someone is saying.
4. Be realistic. For instance, I often get irritated when someone interrupts me when I'm reading -- but I should know better than to try to read the newspaper during my daughters' Saturday morning breakfast. Of course I'm going to get interrupted.
5. Don't expect praise or appreciation. I often feel irritated when someone (usually my husband) doesn't notice and praise some effort on my part. For example, when I went out of town last week, I got my older daughter completely organized for a field trip before I left. I snapped at my husband because he didn't appreciate this Herculean accomplishment on my part.
6. Squelch my reaction. Not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate. I have trouble with this in person, but often manage to do it if it involves email; the deliberate effort of writing an irritated email often gives me the opportunity to decide not to send it. I find it tougher to bite back an angry retort -- but I'm working on it. When I can manage, acting the way I want to feel always helps me to change my feelings.
Communication between parents and children is constant, but it's not always of the kind we most wish to have. The practicalities of daily life often call for a lot of commands, not to mention reprimands, and on a bad day these can form the bulk of wh... read more
Many of the parenting books on our shelves were written by experts who have a whole bunch of letters lined up after their names. And then there are rafts of parenting memoirs and advice books written by mothers. There are funny ones, poignant ones, t... read more