Happier Mornings

Betsy Brown Braun
January 18, 2010

I often hear from parents how difficult their mornings are. Getting the kids up, dressed, fed, brushed, (loved!), and out the door to school can really be challenging. It's especially tricky when you, too, are trying to pull yourself together, get ready for your day, whether you work in or out of the house.

This is especially true after a vacation or even after a weekend. Most families happily and easily fall into a pattern of hanging out in the morning, chilling at home in p.j's., taking all the time in the world on non school days. Then the school bell rings: Get a move on right now!

Here's the truth of the matter, the more you rush your kids, the slower they will be. As soon as you shriek, Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! We're going to be late!  little spikes grow out of the bottoms of their feet. They go into slow motion. The machine all but stops. What's a parent to do?

The answer really isn't so hard. It may take a little getting used to and a lot of parental stick-to-it-iveness, but it works. And it is definitely worth making the change. It simply requires changing the order of the morning.

All mornings need to begin with a little loving.  Whether your kids come into your bed or you visit theirs, children and parents need to reconnect in a loving way first thing in the morning. I call this shnuggy time. After all, it was a drought all night long, and kids need to fill up their parent tanks as they start their day.

The next order of business is getting dressed. That's right, kids need to get completely dressed, head to toe, including shoes and socks, first thing after they are up and before breakfast or anything else.  Often it's a good idea to lay out the clothing the night before. Try putting out the whole get-up, socks to hat, in the shape of a body on the floor. And if you are concerned that the freshly laundered shirt will soon be covered with breakfast syrup and smoothie, keep one of Dad's old tee shirts around to throw on over the school clothes to catch the spills.

Children under the age of four will likely need help with getting dressed. There are so many parts. And as you move the process along, you are teaching and encouraging the child's growing ability and independence in this area. Surprise and praise at her newly found  dressing skills go a long way! But your four year old can get herself dressed, save buttons, zippers, and lace to be tied.  Sometimes it helps if you invite her to bring her clothes into you room. Everyone loves a little company. And there are those who may need a gentle push with "Why don't you tell me which part I should do for you, and you can do the rest."

But breakfast only happens when the kids are completely dressed, shoes and all. No clothes, no food!  After breakfast, teeth get brushed. If you must, have a tooth brushing set up in a downstairs bathroom. Facilitate it happening easily.

And after your kids are dressed, fed, brushed, backpack-ready, and only then, they just might have time for a game of Go Fish with you, time to work on the Lego rocket ship, time for the computer, or whatever is the carrot at the end of the process. If you do all your morning jobs in a timely manner, then you will have time for...

There's one more trick to your morning routine, and you're going to hate this one! When parents are rushing, kids get nuts. If you are not available, your children suddenly become broken and need you.  If you are available, somehow they manage to take care of business. Go figure! You need to take care of yourself so you will be available to your children, and that might mean  getting up 15 minutes earlier than they. I know, I know, I hear you groaning. But it is worth it. Starting the day on a pleasant note makes everyone's days just that much better.

Happy new year!

From the Parents

  • Parent # 1

    I just read your blogpost from the Parent Hacks link. I agree entirely with the getting up 15 minutes early, and the setting out all things the night before. My 3 1/2 year old is in Pre-school two days a week, when she sees me getting her bag and milk money out for the next morning she immediately goes to her room to get out her clothes. I wake her up 1/2 hour before so she can wake up before breakfast. I don't get her dressed until after she's eaten simply because she has a tendency to spill on her clothes and gets her terribly upset.

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 2

    We do it exactly this way. Once our kids eat, they do not have a care in the world. No way would I want to try to get them back up the stairs to get dressed! We have a 2.5 and 5 yo. the 5 yo changes between wanting to surprise us with her clothing choice to wanting to get dressed with us. We take turns getting being with them to get ourselves ready in the morning. No way would getting up 15 minutes earlier work for us. they already wake up at 5 am and snuggle with us until we are ready to get up at 5:45. We only wake up then because they start to get a little out of control. Because they wake up so early we sometimes do bath in the mornings, but i control the length of time in the bath and usually i am getting the other kid ready.

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 3

    Do any of your kids take showers in the mornings? Where we live it is hot, and my son prefers morning showers. That by itself is a fight. But tomorrow I'll try this method. although I don't know what is the difference in eating first or getting dressed first?

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 4

    It's funny how it often takes someone else to point out something that seems so obvious -- thank you for being that someone! We tried all your suggestions this morning and it was SO smooth that we managed to have the whole family sitting at the table eating porridge (!!!) at the same time -- a feat never accomplished before now. Shnuggly time started us all off on a cooperative note, and getting dressed before breakfast eliminated nearly all the delaying tactics normally employed. Yay!!

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 5

    Just saw your blog post from a link on Parent Hacks. I like this a lot. I have a sleepy/grumpy attitude myself sometimes. But I agree that waking up 15 minutes earlier to take time would be worth it. Especially I like shnuggy time! :) Thanks for the thoughts!

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 6

    What great timing for a great article. We just went from one working parent to two working parents this week, and the first morning was not a pretty sight. That was yesterday. This morning I thought I'd try doing things in this order, and it went way smoother - everyone was out the door on time and happy! Thanks for a peaceful morning. :)

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 7

    Just saw your blog post from a link on Parent Hacks. I like this a lot. I have a sleepy/grumpy attitude myself sometimes. But I agree that waking up 15 minutes earlier to take time would be worth it. Especially I like shnuggy time! :) Thanks for the thoughts!

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 8

    i like the getting-up-15-minutes-earlier trick. however, my toddler doesn't wake up at the same time everyday. getting the stuff ready the night before works best. it makes mornings a breeze.

    over a year ago

  • Parent # 9

    This is a great article! My daughter is only 20 months old, so I still pretty much drive what she does and when, but there's some good pointers here for when she gets a bit older. Thanks for sharing!

    over a year ago

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