One of my Twelve Commandments is "Lighten up," and I have a lot of resolutions aimed at trying to be a more light-hearted parent: less nagging, more laughing. We all want a peaceful, cheerful, even joyous, atmosphere at home—but we can't nag and yell our way to get there. Here are some strategies that help me:
1. At least once a day, make each child helpless with laughter.
2. Sing in the morning. It's hard both to sing and to maintain a grouchy mood, and it sets a happy tone for everyone-particularly in my case, because I'm tone deaf and my audience finds my singing a source of great hilarity.
3. Get enough sleep yourself. It's so tempting to stay up late, to enjoy the peace and quiet. But morning comes fast. Along the same lines...
4. Wake up before your kids. We were so rushed in the morning that I started getting up half an hour earlier than my children. That means I can get myself organized, check my email, post to Slate, and get my bag packed before they get up. It's tough to wake up earlier, but it has made a huge difference in the quality of our mornings.
5. I've been researching the hedonic treadmill: people quickly adapt to new pleasures or luxuries, so it takes a new pleasure to give them a jolt of gratification. As a result, I've cut back on treats and impulse buys for my kids. The ice-cream sandwich or the Polly Pockets set won't be an exciting treat if it isn't rare.
6. Most messages to kids are negative: "stop," "don't," "no." So I try to cast my answers as "yes." "Yes, we'll go as soon as you've finished eating," not "We're not leaving until you've finished eating." It's not easy to remember to do this, but I'm trying.
7. Look for little ways to celebrate. I haven't been doing holiday breakfasts long, but they're a huge source of happiness. They're quick, fun, and everyone gets a big kick out of them.
My three-year-old hates being told "No" and "Don't," and she's also one of those kids who immediately does exactly what you ask her not to do, so I've had to develop some strategies to get the "No" message across without unleashing the very behavior ... read more
Most parents have big dreams for their kids. We dream about them before they are even conceived, and those dreams just keep getting bigger as they do. As much as we may tell ourselves to step back, let go of expectations and accept our kids for... read more